The TV financial news today is filled with ads for outfits that, to my way of thinking, should not be sucking financial oxygen.

There's MCI and Putnam Investments. There are Citigroup and Janus Funds. Tyco is still around (it's making money I hear). Even Enron has yet to be totally liquidated.

What happens when you or I commit a crime is we are tried and convicted. This is very hard to do when the crime is done with a pen, behind the corporate shield. The states' batting average is low. What usually happens, instead, is that the company pays a fine -- sometimes a massive fine -- but usually without admitting wrongdoing. The cover-up, in other words, winds up being sanctioned by the court.

Add to that the complete failure of corporate governance in catching these crooks before the vaults are looted, and you have what I call Dracula Inc., corporate immortality, and immortal immorality. (Somehow, Bela Lugosi will always be Dracula to me, and obviously, to the folks at Shillpages too.)

I think it's time to stick a stake through some corporate hearts.

I propose we pass a Corporate Death Penalty that can be invoked against any company, no matter how large.

Create a special federal court, so that when malfeasance is proven there beyond a certain threshold, beyond a reasonable doubt, a trustee is appointed immediately. That trustee wipes out stockholder equity, engages in a sale of ongoing profitable operations, and has the power to strip the corporate shield from any corporate officeholder. In this way, those who are guilty -- the officers, the directors, even the shareholders -- are severely punished -- but the employes and customers have a way to go on, perhaps under different ownership. (The same court could impose lesser penalties, but these would be criminal sanctions against both the corporation and any officers or directors the court holds liable.)

Putting an outfit like Enron or Citigroup to death would be hugely satisfying. (While the picture is from a death penalty opponent, Death Penalty Focus of California, I'd volunteer to stick a needle in Citigroup personally.)

I think the mere threat of a corporate death penalty would have a profound impact on how public companies are run. Stockholders would demand ethical behavior. So would directors. Those with low risk tolerance would move to bonds. Employees, like those at Enron, would be protected. And people like Kenneth Lay would do hard time, without the ability to loot their companies further to pay for lawyers protecting their ill-gotten booty.

Do this and we never again have to swallow commercials like Putnam's latest -- with its message of "trust us."

I don't want you to suffer, Mr. Stocks and Bonds. I want you to die. There's something to be said for Blofeldism.